For many years, I have heard my father always say how he wanted to go back to California.
Yet it never happened.
After he left El Salvador, my dad lived in Los Angeles before eventually relocating to Miami, and based on all the stories I have heard growing up about Cali, there was always something about California that made my father smile from ear to ear, grinning so huge that his eyes would become cheeky just like mine whenever I would smile hard. You can tell California was not just a random place he lived in for a while. It was his home.
If you were to know my dad in real life, you would say he is a very outspoken, charismatic guy. He’s not like that with everyone though; however, if you’re lucky enough to be close to him, you’d see what I mean.
Now, there’s so much more I can say about my dad—good things, of course. He’s been one of the most important people in my life. He went out of his way to help me become the person I am, and besides always supporting my dream of becoming an educator and being the one who gave me the spark to begin photography as one of my passions, the relationship between my father and I is something I will never take for granted. In fact, I will do anything for him, even if it means risking a big part of myself just to make sure he’s well and okay.
I would’ve never thought I would actually take the chance to book a flight to California as a way to get my father to finally return, but after hearing him reminisce about his time there and all that he’s done in that location, I thought it would be a nice surprise to actually tell him that I’ve been thinking of taking him and doing so as a part of the act. To my surprise, his response was a full-on “No.”
”I don’t understand. You talk so much about going back to Cali, yet you’re not doing anything about it. And now that I’m trying to make it happen, you refuse to take the offer?”
To him, it was still a “No”.
Again, I didn’t understand why he refused to take the opportunity when it was being handed straight to him.
And this had been ongoing for about 6 months prior to actually going on the trip. Since June of 2018, I was constantly reminding my dad about going on the trip and would even show him pictures of LA that would hopefully convince him to go. Nothing worked, but then I realized that maybe just booking the flight would force him to go. (Now, I highly do not recommend doing this without the other person knowing because it might not end up the way you want it to go. As for my case, IT WORKED!)
To say the truth, my dad was not happy when I informed him about me booking the trip. But after some time of actually realizing I did it, he had to accept the trip was happening and that he was going. From this point on, there was no turning back and it was what it was! Sorry, not sorry, dad!
As the date of the trip neared (already December), I began noticing something odd with my dad. Day after day, my family and I had been seeing my dad lose weight rapidly, not knowing if he was on a diet or not. In reality, he wasn’t, but we weren’t able to pinpoint exactly as to why he was losing weight at such a rapid rate. Not only was he losing weight, but my dad had other alarming symptoms such as losing some of his eyesight and constant dehydration that would intensify whatever it was going on in his body.
In my eyes, it looked as if his life was being sucked right out of him. As if he was dying.
And no matter how many times my family and I had asked him to go get himself checked out by the doctor, he refused to go because he didn’t want to deal with paying more bills or deal with the doctor’s diagnosis, even if it might help him in the long run. To me, this was something I was extremely worried about since I knew the trip was coming up and my dad didn’t look like he was in the right condition to go.
Into about a week before the trip happened, my dad was looking and growing even more weak. I could tell by this time he had grown tired of people asking him to go to the doctor, but despite his annoyance, he would refuse to go. Maybe it was the fear of something drastic causing him to deteriorate, or maybe he was just uncomfortable seeking medical attention, but there was no way he would go on this trip with all that was happening to his body. Throughout this time, I also began declining invitations to go to parties and hangouts just so I can keep a close eye on him. No one really knew why I stopped showing up to places whenever I was being invited, but really it was because I would rather care after my father than be someplace away from him not knowing what could happen to him. Despite all the excuses I made to not hangout or show up to the invitations, mentally I wasn’t in the right state of mind to even say yes without having to worry about what was really happening in the background.
As I would go to sleep every night, I would pray to God to help my dad realize he was not physically okay and for him to stop being so stubborn and actually go seek medical attention. And every time worry would try to sneak into my mind, I felt as if God would always tell me, “Go on this trip because I’ve got this.”
And in my heart, I knew He actually did.
Wednesday, December 26, 2018 was the day we were going to take off from Miami into the beautiful city of angels, Los Angeles. This was something exciting for me because I had never seen the West Coast and had always dreamt about seeing where my father grew up from. I knew that this was going to be a new adventure for the both of us since it would be our first father-daughter trip and while waiting at the airport, I began noticing my dad quiver a bit.
”Are you okay?”
”Yeah… just nervous.”
You can tell my dad had a lot going on in his mind. Despite trying to avoid the obvious of his health condition, my dad began mentioning how he hopes to see his family members of whom he hadn’t seen in a long time. We proceeded with going on Facebook to see if we can come into contact with any of his family members, but nothing showed up. After trying to dig into the web searching for these people, we found no profiles of exactly who he was looking for.
”Maybe it’s not meant for us to run into them, Dad. Are you okay with that?”
He only nodded, tears filling his eyes, yet not streaming down his face. He kept putting up this strong front for the remainder of the waiting period until it was time for us to board the plane.
And then it was time for us to go.
Throughout my time on the plane, as much as I wanted to sleep throughout the flight, I stayed awake only to look after my dad who managed to sleep just for a bit. Still as nervous as before, I could tell he was ready to go see his old home again—and this time, I’d be by his side.
At last we finally arrived and went through the checking out process at the airport. We got our luggage, hopped into the rental car we appointed, and began driving through the streets of LA!
Los Angeles is nothing like Miami.
It certainly is its own city with its own qualities.
And while many people have always thought of Los Angeles to be a city full of glitz and glamour, my dad was taking me to the part of this city that didn’t live up to its name.
“This is the real Los Angeles, Emily. This is where I grew up.”
I couldn’t believe it. Where we were driving made me want to ask him to turn the car around because of how dirty and unkempt the area was. Seeing that he was showing me the exact location in which he grew up in, I didn’t want to be rude and ruin the moment. It was as if I was meant to keep my mouth shut and see for myself the surroundings in which he had to deal with living on his own at such a young age. For him, this was something he had always wanted to show me just so I can see exactly where he came from—a very humbling thing to see and fathom.
“Wow, Dad, and you were here all by yourself. Trying to make the best out of what you can get.”
”Always, Emily. These are my roots.”
Throughout that first day, we managed to drive around the different streets of the area. We stopped by my dad’s old favorite fast-food restaurants and walked around trying to get more of a feel of this place. You can tell by the look on my dad’s face how surprised he was, yet not, on the changes that have happened since he left. Of course, things will never always stay the same, but my dad was hopeful he would be able to recognize a few places that have remained—to go back and relive those memories in which he has remembered for years.
As the sun was setting and the sky was growing darker, we decided to go to the little home we were staying at and began brainstorming on what we could do on our stay there. We came up with a solid plan and headed straight to bed, awaiting the next day.
Waking up felt weird for the both of us. On the West Coast, we were three hours behind the East Coast’s time. So while my dad and I woke up at 6AM there at the crack of dawn, my family back in Miami were already up starting their day.
The second day’s adventure would consist of going to the Griffith Observatory and visiting the California Science Museum, along with the LA Memorial Coliseum. Because I am a science teacher, I was more excited about visiting the Observatory since I have always been interested in anything that has to do with astronomy or science. But first, we had to go around the area to look for a spot to eat breakfast. We managed to find a cute little restaurant and ordered our meals big enough for us to feel full throughout the majority of the day. And may I say, it was DELICIOUS!
Surprisingly, right across the cute little restaurant we were at, was the land in which my dad worked at his first car shop. Although the shop is now non-existent and just a piece of barren land, my dad just stared at it and began explaining how he loved working there and how he will always remember that place. You can tell he was reminiscing once again, and of course, I enjoyed listening to his story.
It only took about 40 minutes for us to reach Griffith Park, which is where the Observatory was. We didn’t expect to drive up a mountain, but we noticed it had to be done due to the elevation changes we had felt. Us Floridians aren’t used to this so you can imagine how careful my dad drove compared to how he normally drives in Miami. If you were to know how he normally drives, you wouldn’t want to be in the car with him, and let’s just say he isn’t the safest driver, but he is safe enough to get you to the destination intact.
As soon as we parked and got to where we needed to be, we hiked up the mountain, and walked for the next 20 mins. My dad started to have trouble breathing. It wasn’t so bad for me to be worried because he said he was okay. In reality, all he needed was someone to keep pushing him forward and encouraging him to keep going. Within each step we took up this mountain, you could see how high we were from the city. In all of its splendor and beauty, you could see how amazingly structured this state is. In other words, there’s so much more to explore in this state and I was in awe!
We were so high that we were standing right across from the Hollywood Sign and just looking down only reminded you of how tiny you are compared to the landscape around.
The Observatory was pretty cool in my opinion. What really captivated me was a huge pendulum rocking back and forth, knocking over metal bars and the display of meteorites that have fallen through the sky and landed in California. My dad seemed to enjoy what he saw too and after spending some time there, we headed off to our next destination—the California Science Museum and Coliseum!
This museum is something different than what I was used to back in Miami. Despite the size difference, there were so many cool exhibitions to look into such as King Tut’s treasures and looking at actual space shuttles! Everything about this museum had something intriguing that not only a science teacher would love!
After sometime exploring inside the museum, hunger kicked in and my dad wanted to see if we could find something to eat. Outside of the museum, we realized we were actually next to a rose garden and the Coliseum we wanted to go to. We decided to visit the rose garden first and I could not believe how many rose bushes were around.
Roses of all different colors were grown there. It was such a beautiful sight to see! Besides the roses around, we saw kids running happily, couples holding hands, and street vendors selling their food. You can tell it was a place many people enjoyed being at. Then I looked at my dad and he began laughing. I was a bit confused as to why he was laughing, but then he explained to me that this was where he took he first girlfriend out. “Lucky for you, you met mom because then I wouldn’t be around,” I joked and we eventually began taking pictures of each other and sat down by a fountain to rest a bit before moving on.
My dad isn’t the best photographer there is, but I really enjoyed seeing how he tried acting like me whenever he would take pictures. The way he copied how I stand and how I try to position people made me laugh so much, that when I saw the pictures he took of me, all I can really focus on was how squinty my eyes looked because of the sun pointing straight at my face and the nice rainbow that appeared behind me. Till this day, as sucky as his shot was, it is probably one of my favorite photos.
After our little photoshoot, we walked a bit more to where the Coliseum was. This Coliseum was an important place for my dad growing up. He used to tell me how he would wake up extremely early to run laps with his brother around the Coliseum.
We stared at the Coliseum and took some pictures until I noticed my dad lingering for a while.
“Are you crying?”
No words.
You can tell he was having a moment, and so I let him have it.
My dad isn’t the type of person to cry in front of anyone. He’s always had this macho persona and never really thought crying was something good to show upfront, but rather that it was a sign of weakness. To see my father tear up made me wonder why he even left LA in the first place and I asked him why he decided to leave, to which he responded, “I had to, Emily. But I’m glad you’re with me here now.”
Moments later, my dad spotted a vendor selling ice cream. Since we hadn’t eaten anything yet, we thought ice cream would be a nice little treat to have before having a bigger meal. To be honest, my dad was super happy to see all that the vendor was selling. There were paletas, coconut ice cream, Salvadoran cookies, and regular ice cream cones. My dad and I bought paletas out of everything there was and we happily ate it while walking back to the Coliseum site. We even took more pictures and this time, my dad was smiling and not crying! I was happy to see the turnaround from his little moment before because no matter how many years it has been since he last ran around that site with his brother (who was nowhere to be found), we left leaving a happier memory of us eating our paletas and enjoying the nice Cali breeze under the setting sun.
It is now Friday, December 28, 2018, and I really didn’t think I’d hike up to the Hollywood sign, but my dad was feeling extra adventurous.
”Soooo what are we doing today?”
”Hmm… let’s go up to the Hollywood Sign!”
What the heck?
As cool as that sounds for me, I really didn’t think my dad would be the one to do something like that, but I guess he had woken up feeling great! After all, that’s something I would say, not him!
I have never really met anyone who has literally hiked to the infamous landmark, but as soon as my dad suggested the idea, I was all in to research on how to go up there. Surprisingly, I found someone through the Airbnb app that offers a tour guide up there. I proceeded to message the person, set up a time to go, and off we went!
At this point, my dad had been feeling a lot better compared to when we first boarded the plane. I think with all the stress he was dealing with and all the worry he was feeling got to him that made him feel bad. After our hike the previous day, it felt as if my dad was rejuvenated—like nothing was ever wrong with him. Going on this new hike, my dad actually felt confident he would make it all the way to the top. And just like what I had mentioned when I was in North Carolina, there’s something about being on the very peak of a mountain that makes you want to accomplish anything and go even higher, even if there’s nothing left to reach for. You can tell that was the very same mindset my dad had.
When we arrived to Hollywood, CA, we met up with the tour guide and you could tell by the look of my dad’s face how excited he was. My dad’s a pretty weird guy too; whenever he’s really happy, he begins to change the tone of his voice into a little boy’s pitch and starts saying weird stuff. He was actually loud enough that the tour guide saw what was happening and pretended she didn’t hear anything, and as much as I told him to stop, he kept getting louder that I had to keep some distance from him to save the embarrassment.
Hiking up the mountain took a long time. I believe it was an hour to get to the very top, but throughout the hike, our tour guide was telling us information about the various mountains around, plus more in depth information about the city. Because my dad used to live in California, he also knew a lot about the state. There would even be times where he would interrupt the tour guide and answer her questions without her finishing because of how much he knew. That made the tour guide ask my father to give the tour instead of her. To me, it was funny to see that interaction and made the other people in our group to have some laughs as well. When we finally made it to the top, we couldn’t believe we actually did it! The view was incredible and we were able to see the ocean from where we were standing! I felt extremely proud of my dad for making it this far, and you could tell he was too.
Eventually it was time for us to go back down because the police came up to notify that there were a lot of people by the sign. The tour guide continued giving us trivia questions on what we had learned throughout the hike and one of our group members nonchalantly began taking selfies way too close to the ledge of the cliff. That person taking the selfies was a mom to another guy in our group and all you heard was him yelling at her in Vietnamese. I didn’t understand a word she said, but you could tell the mom wasn’t happy. The tour guide tried to lighten the atmosphere by adding a comment to how the mom would be blown away if she kept taking selfies too close to the ledge in a humorous way and that didn’t sit too well with the son. In the end, the tour guide asked, “Were you yelling at your mom?”, and he replied with “Yes”. She then answered back, saying, “Well, no more pictures for you!” and I couldn’t help but laugh.
I know I’m kind of messed up for laughing at such an inappropriate time, but for me,I thought it was the funniest thing ever. Really, it was a ‘you had to be there‘ moment!
When we finally got back to the car, we noticed we got a ticket because of the way we parked. We were inches away from the curb and that itself gave us a $45 fine. I thought my dad would be angry seeing that, but instead he took a picture of the ticket and said, “ANOTHER MEMORY FOR US! ALRIGHT!!”
We then decided to go visit the Hollywood Walk of Fame because it was in the same area. Now I was really excited for this because I had always wanted to take a picture of Sylvester Stallone’s star, as well as Bruce Lee’s. Those two people are my absolute favorites, so it would be amazing to actually see their star right in front of me! As we walked down the street looking for these stars, we managed to find other cool celebrity stars and took pictures of them. We didn’t get the chance to visit the Ripley’s Wax Museum right on the strip because of how crowded it got, but we were able to visit a lot of souvenir shops to buy some t-shirts and other stuff for my family and close friends. When all of that was done and we took our pictures with the celebrity stars, because of the huge Salvadoran population Cali has, of course we ended our day with looking for Salvadoran restaurants to eat Pupusas! We found a nice authentic restaurant and ate happily as we saw the menu full of the food my dad and I recognized from his nationality. What an amazing feeling to know that there are people from your culture willing to cook the very food you enjoy with such care and love!
The following day, my dad asked me if I wanted to visit the Santa Monica Pier. Of course I did! After seeing many pictures of the Ferris Wheel and knowing it was a very popular spot to be, there was no way I wanted to leave that off the trip! I also suggested we go to Venice Beach because it had always been a place I wanted to go, and ever since I had heard about Muscle Beach being in Cali, I had always made it a goal of mine to actually go there and try the swinging rings!
My dad liked the idea of that simply because Venice Beach was the beach he would always go to with his brother and all he remembered were the memories of him passing out on that beach after some late night drinks. Good thing the cops never caught him!
When we finally arrived at the Santa Monica Pier, we were greeted by the smell of the fried food there. The aroma of the place itself gave my dad nostalgia of all the times he would spend his day playing at the arcade there. And to his surprise, it was still up and running!
We went inside the arcade and saw all the old gaming machines there were—Pacman, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, you name it, it was all there! My dad was extremely happy to see how the arcade hadn’t changed. To him, this was the very place he would go to every weekend just to pass time. We then used some of our quarters to play the original Mortal Kombat machine and lost on our first round of playing. Kind of embarrassing for me since I do consider myself a bit of a gamer, but it was hard pressing all those buttons and using the joystick at the same time! In the end, it was the experience we had that made it fun, but next time I will win! Mark my words!
After our loss on that game, we walked under the pier and started taking some pictures. My dad suggested for me to keep some of the seashells laying around as a memory of where we were, and by the time I looked around, collecting the shells to put into my pocket, I saw my dad writing on the sand. I didn’t know what he was writing, but as I got closer, I saw he was writing my name.
In that moment, I began to cry. I didn’t know why, but I did.
I don’t like to make it obvious whenever I cry, so when I did, I looked away and began sniffing a little. My dad saw how emotional I was and gave me a hug. I guess the reason I cried was because I felt as if he was really appreciating this trip so far and didn’t know how to express it to me. To me, him writing my name on the sand demonstrated it. When I asked him why he did that, all he said was, “You made this trip possible and I never really saw how important it was for you to do it. I do know I need to get myself checked out when we go home, but also remember that you will always be my little girl,” and there he cried with me.
I will never forget that moment. It was a monumental moment in which I knew that when God told me earlier that He had this, it was because there was a purpose for my dad to come back here. In this very moment, despite all the trouble my dad’s body was giving him prior to the trip, he realized he did find his way back home.
It was only a matter of time that helped him realize he hadn’t wasted all those years saying he wanted to come back and never did. In reality, this was the exact time in which he needed to go back. If this trip were to happen when he was younger, he probably wouldn’t have appreciated it as much and I probably wouldn’t be there with him either. But everything happens for a reason and at it’s right time—that’s all I can ever thank God for.
After some time walking around the pier, we decided that it would be best for us to walk all the way to Venice/Muscle Beach instead of driving there, since we would lose our parking spot and possibly not be able to find another spot. It was better for my dad anyway because he needed the extra exercise after gaining about 15 pounds since being here.
To say the truth, Venice Beach is probably one of the prettiest beaches I have ever been to. Despite the amount of people who come here, it is honestly so peaceful standing on the sand and hearing the waves crash against the rocks. It took us a while to get to Muscle Beach because of all the hippies and artists on the boardwalk, but we finally arrived and began using the workout equipment there. It was fun for the time being before my dad began to grow tired after such a long walk. We went back for another long walk, and took more pictures by the water before it was time for us to go.
On our last day exploring Los Angeles, my dad took me to Del Amo Mall. This mall is easily one of the biggest malls I have ever seen and been to in my entire life and the fact that it is still expanding astonishes me. The reason as to why my dad wanted to show me this mall was because when he was younger, he actually was once lost inside the mall. Even back then when it was a whole lot smaller than what it is now, he still managed to get himself lost and cried because of it. We spent the whole day walking around the mall and shopping for ourselves. I am not going to bore you with what I bought, but I will say that I got a super cute Free People dress for less than $100. If you were to know the regular costs of Free People clothing, you’d be surprised at that price I just mentioned lol.
This day was more of a relaxing day for us because we knew we had to leave the following morning. We did what we could during our stay here and told each other we’d come back maybe next December. For my dad, leaving was the hardest part. Although we did not fully get to experience everything he wanted us to experience, we knew it would be saved for another time. Now all that mattered now as we were on our way back to Miami was for my dad to find out what was wrong with his body.
Throughout the trip, my dad was feeling better than how he was before, but because we weren’t staying longer, the next important thing for him to do was to actually seek medical attention. And because he really realized that he needed to look after himself more, he promised me he would do so right away.
It wasn’t long after we got back home that he got himself checked out. Based on his diagnosis, my dad had Type 2 Diabetes. I know this isn’t something extremely bad compared to other conditions, but the doctor gave insight that if he prolonged the wait on getting checked out, he probably would’ve lost more of his eyesight and possibly fall into a higher risk of stroke or heart disease, all of which isn’t good at all. As soon as we heard what he had, we all decided as a family to do whatever we can to help him out in this new lifestyle he had to take. Getting rid of unnecessary foods and bringing in a new diet seemed annoying to him, but as long as he knew how to control his body more, we all knew he’d be alright.
What came out of this trip was the realization that my dad had to take better care of himself and, of course, go back to his roots. We both know that this wasn’t our last trip to California, but at least we are more aware of enjoying life a bit more and cherishing the moments life has for us whenever it is presented to us. As much as I’d like to say ‘until next time’ for my next adventure, there really will be a next time for us going back to California, and this time, with the whole family.
Although California might just be my dad’s home away from home, I’m starting to think it just might be mine too.
xoxo,
Emily.